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The Science of Wholeness: Part One
INTRODUCTION TO PART I
What acid of sorrow have I not drunk?
Countless my rounds of birth and death.
Lo! Naught but nectar in my cup
Quaffed by the art of breath.
Not being able to take life at face value and live happily at its surface, I felt compelled to dive deep within its center and contact the True Self within. Physical life is too short, and too unsettling and desperately needs a much higher and permanent spiritual reality for it to make any sense. Most of my life I felt disconnected from God (wholeness, faith and inner strength). I could not tolerate feeling separated from God (divine love) at all; being a human being seemed so tiresome and frightening. I would feel constantly lost, puzzled and anxious. Being a hard-to-convince sceptic, I was also often not sure about higher spiritual realities and the hereafter. I suffered greatly for many years in what I would call the "Dark Night of the Soul" which I wrote about in the section following this introduction:
PERSONAL SUFFERINGS AND TRIALS ON THE ROAD TO WHOLENESS.
"What acid of sorrow have I not drunk?" I discovered the above poem in a very interesting footnote on page 225 in the book, AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI by Paramahansa Yogananda. It was one of many quatrains writen by the "sky clad" 14th century Lalla Yogeswari who, through breath control and perfect celibacy, lived in a very high state of enlightenment. She did not die, but finally dematerialized herself in fire and rematerialized herself to her grieving friends fully dressed in a golden robe!
My entire life centered around a strong thirst for God, for the extraordinary, the miraculous, and for life after death. The things I encountered in my research were strange and interesting. I have read books on near-death experiences and found some of the publications very factual, reliable and scientific. Along with all the other things I've read and studied, including some awesome experiences I've had personally, I later became convinced there is life after death and that the teachings and resurrection of Christ must have at least some reality to them or they would not have been recorded. Christ-like resurrections happened to some great yogis too (documented in AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI); some came back in a resurrected flesh and blood form, usually with a vital message. There is an entire chapter in AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI, (page 475) where Yogananda's guru came back and spoke in great detail on all the stages, states of consciousness and worlds of the afterlife. I once watched and recorded a convincing documentry ("20/20" June 10th, 1994) on a specific case of an English woman who was able to track down her children (now quite old) from a past life in Ireland--"Countless my rounds of birth and death."
The "nectar... quaffed by the art of breath" is a profound and natural joy within ourselves that can be accessed through a system of yoga including "prannayams" or breathing exercises ("art of breath.") The fate of humankind and the earth may depend on the availability of yoga. Yoga or some kind of return to nature, wholeness and universal love is really the only hope for the future. Yoga makes peace of mind and lasting happiness more available. The reason there are so many health, social and economic problems is that the entire world is not trained in the science of wholeness--the most vital science of all sciences! This method includes special diets, drinking pure water, antioxidants, vibration, meditation, special prannayams and the mastery of Tantra.
Humankind and all its suffering seems to have one basic cause: ignorance of the soul's true nature in our selves and each other; and on this basis: the way which men and women interrelate.
Overpopulation, which threatens to degrade the earth's resources and our quality of life, is also caused by how men relate to women and by how women respond to men. The way sex is performed is creating a frightening world-wide population explosion which infectious diseases, before the invention of vaccination, used to keep in check. Because the balance of nature has been overthrown, there is a deep need for some alternative, natural method of birth control that can be accepted and lovingly embraced by all the main religions of the world, especially Catholicism! Population is such a vital issue; I believe that at this point in history, overpopulation is at the root of most social problems.
By no means is population the only issue! I have barely scratched the surface--it is the quality of life, which also boils down to the way the opposite sexes relate to each other and how they raise their children. When society is threatened by the disintegration of the family, gangs and gang warfare, sexually transmitted diseases, drug abuse, alcoholism, lack of moral values, etc. much of the turmoil and suffering can be traced to the dissatisfaction and disillusionment in relationships and abandoning the essential foundation of society--the family.
If it were possible for the average person to find wholeness and higher consciousness in his or her mate (as in a spiritual marriage), such a possibility could drastically improve the quality of life and enable deep satisfaction and all one's good dreams and ideals of lasting romance to come true. The ideals of spiritual marriage combined with wholeness could keep the family a strong, permanent and reliable building block of a healthy, happy and meaningful community. Why is this possibility not happening? Where is it going wrong? The failure of higher values to manifest is due to a lack of knowledge and understanding of the great benefits of spiritual life and the practical methods needed to obtain wholeness, while being overwhelmed and dazed by the demands and limitations of the materialistic world. The world's most valuable resources are wasted in the attempts to find satisfaction through the senses and from the resulting greed, selfishness and materialism.
A much more efficient and direct way to superior soul-satisfaction is available. Through mastery of an immense driving force in all of us, through its transmutation into higher levels of awareness with a special form of breathing exercise and nutritional support, it becomes possible to establish the connection with the spiritual and find profound and prolonged bliss and joy. Sensual awareness can and should be transformed into the infinite fulfillment of soul-communion using the tools I have described fully in the following lessons of this book.
The seminal fluids in man and the sexual energy in woman, when conserved with the help of whole body vibration, massage, relaxation, nutritional factors, water fasting, excercise, breathing exercises, deep love and devotion to God and God in each other, and deep meditation can bring birth or creation to a new and gloriosly satisfying way to relate to one another. One's hearts can be opened and deep, profound love take off into unexplored heights of ecstasy. Eventually, in this way, any woman would be able to find wholeness or higher consciousness by transmuting her relationship to her man, and any man would be able to find wholeness or higher consciousness by transmuting his relationship to his woman--which is what I believe to be the next step in humankind's evolution toward perfection. Relationships would have a whole new purpose--not to satisfy material needs--but to aid each other in finding true inner satisfaction through the high art of liberating sensuality into profound love, ecstasy and soul-communion.
As long as the sexual energy remains stuck in the base of the spine, men will always see women as a means to a short but intense release of physical desire and to women men would only be a means to security and children, the attitude of which would lead to the continuation of the ills, loneliness, and other hardships of humankind. However, I see a different purpose, a much higher plan; a means to finding a lasting inner joy and longevity; a wondrous and wonderful opportunity to find deep spiritual satisfaction by transforming all one's sensual needs and yearnings. The sexual fluids, when conserved and transmuted into lasting love, creativity and inspiration, can become part of the answer in humankind's long quest for immortality and eternal joy--that HOLY GRAIL of immortal wholeness.
USING THIS BOOK
It is hoped that the individuals who read and try to follow the information in this manuscript are familiar with yoga and meditation. If not, I encourage the reader to take classes in yoga and/or read some good books on the subject. With familiarity of yoga, the reader can then be better able to fully appreciate and benefit from this book. If one already is familiar with the hatha-yoga postures and practices them regularly, such an individual is much more likely to fully benefit from the Lama Yoga breathing exercises. An inflexible spine seems to block the full expression of the Kundalini.
Another thing I want the reader to be aware of is that at the end of Part II there is a glossary with words like "Lama Yoga" and "Kundalini" in it. It is important to understand precisely what I am talking about when using certain words. I would encourage one to read through the glossary and become familiar with the context in which I am using those terms. I would like to make an unusual request: that the reader considers the glossary as part of the course because of all the vital and unusual information it contains. At the end of the glossary, there is a very useful "Bible Reference List" containing a long alphabetical list of quotations and subjects and where to find them in the Bible. I have refered to the Bible several times in my text.
A SHORT AUTOBIOGRAPHY
On the following pages is a brief account of the very long and terrible "Dark Night of the Soul" I had to endure to get to where I am now. The following spiritual history of my life has been included to help the reader understand where I'm coming from, who I am, and why and how I became so interested in trying to develop a new, simple and powerful system of joyful living or SCIENCE OF WHOLENESS.
PERSONAL SUFFERINGS AND TRIALS ON ROAD TO WHOLENESS
I endured many difficulties, sorrows and disappointments on a long, arduous search for inner strength, high spiritual realities and love. In my early adulthood I knew there had to be more to life than just working, eating and sleeping! The way I saw it, existence seemed nothing more than a seemingly endless hassle ending up nowhere except in a small box! I desperately needed another way of being besides the "life's a bitch and then you die" philosophy!!!! My search for God (inner spiritual strength and healing love) started when I was 12 and continued throughout my entire life on a torturous, rocky journey through many laborinths of painful trials and errors and extensive experimentation with various diets, religions and philosophies.
A profound emptiness and loneliness grew inside as I struggled desperately to find love and some sort of comfort and peace of mind. Having a sensitive nature, the world, to me, seemed a hazardous and desolate place, filled with much disturbing noise and senseless activity. I felt comfortable only in green places of peace, quiet and sanctuary. I was an ultra-sensitive, introspective, timid, shy and very polite kid with a terrible inferiority complex.
Throughout grade school to high school, because I behaved so differently, I underwent continuous hazing and humiliation from others. From 12 to 34, I suffered greatly from acne and boils, leaving me chronically lonely, physically and psychologically scarred. I always felt awkward, alienated, out of synch with the world, spacy, dull and felt no serenity nor any self-confidence. The only thing that seemed acute was my experience of pain, emotional suffering and isolation! I spent many years in profound self-doubt and just wanting to hide from the world, which seemed to offer nothing but pain, stress, rejection and humiliation.
By my early 20's I was crippled with fear, loneliness, anxiety, depression, acne and fatigue that became overwhelming. Other problems such as poor digestion, poor posture, inability to build muscle and gain weight, hair loss, a hernia, pale flaking skin, myopia, absurd thoughts, absent-mindedness and attacks of vertigo when added to everything else made me feel like a walking disaster area.
No matter how much food I forced down, I could not gain any weight to my awkward and wobbly 129-pound six-foot frame! The gas and bloating from constant, severe indigestion made it impossible to socialize with others. I rarely had any fun, I only had enough energy to do the bare essentials which often required the same effort as clibing Mt. Everest. The rest of the time was spent sleeping off chronic fatique or trying to get rid of anxiety.
Then, in 1982, as if all the above weren't enough to drive one over the edge, I started having absolutely horrific panic attacks which led to yet another serious problem from which I never fully recovered: agoraphobia. I no longer could go on vacations, nor could drive much further than local places within the city before feeling a horrible sensation of losing control. My memory, sense of balance, up, down and other directions would all seem to fall apart!
Throughout my early twenties to early thirties, I suffered unbearable chronic loneliness, depression and truly terrifying, unending anxiety attacks that created a sense of infinite dread and horror that I could not escape from. When I tried to sleep at night, it felt like the earth was shrinking into the vast nothingness of infinite space and that the whole universe was tearing my soul apart. Everything spun in all directions. The earth felt like it was tipping over on its side and to my utter terror, even upsidedown! Only my intense fear of dying and my sensitive, non-violent nature forced me to stay alive as best I could without ever finding the courage for suicide. I must thought of a hundred different ways to end my meaningless existence. Oh, how close I was to doing this!
Everything took a great deal of courage--even trying to get help. I went through counselors, psychologists, doctors, psychiatrists, etc. without ever finding any practical answers, medications or therapies, only very effective ways to spend large quantities of money and waste lots of time! My problem was just too great for any one thing to help nor could it be tracked down to any particluar cause or reason. It seemed my existence itself was the "reason". There where just too many different "little" problems all at once that could not be fixed with any one thing. What few friends I had tried to help me, only to abandon me as soon as they find out just how hopeless my problems really were. My attitude was often bitter and that was no help either.
Throughout the bitter struggle, only one thing kept me going: the hope of finding God--a very personal, loving, caring and nurturing God. I also always craved deeply and longingly a beautiful, caring girlfriend or soul mate and envied those who had one. I felt strong, monogamous ideals of spiritual marriage (two souls merge as one). I thought of many idealistic romantic possibilities but felt frustrated and limited in my ability and lack of opportunity to express them. I developed an artistic ability and tried to express my longings and ideals through my artwork.
Out of dire need to find solutions to my suffering, I studied everything I could on health, diets, medicine, positive thinking, metaphysics, psychology, religion, yoga, and mysticism. The only thing that seemed to work or made a difference was vitamins, health foods and diets. Some made me feel worse, but eventually I found some foods that really helped me. By my mid-thirties and after many years of intense nutritional study and self-experimentation, I had developed a high-protein diet and exercise program that helped me gain 25 pounds and could treat anxiety and depression. Finally, I developed a whole system of yoga diet, transmutation, meditation and breathing exercises that proved to be a priceless key to wholeness--a key that unlocks a door to a whole new dimension of wonderful possibilities.
I studied yoga for many years only because it seemed to hold a lot of promise. At times, the only comfort I ever had was the AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI by Paramahansa Yogananda. This book, so sincerely written and full of amazing miracles, had proof of God, life-after-death, and karma written all over it, which gave my sensitive mind great hope and comfort; that those who never found what they were searching for in one lifetime could at least live again to find it in another.
However, in my life-long search for God, I collided painfully with many road-blocks. In perfecting the requirements of yoga, I became more and more frustrated! The yoga postures seemed a lot of work to get a little benefit. The worst part of the spiritual path was trying to avoid sensuality. All I could think of was women! And being constantly rejected by every woman I persued, only made matters far worse! I was forced into inventing a way to satisfy my deepest, most personal unfulfilled cravings. Yoga had to somehow involve the sexual energy or it could not possibly be fulfilling enough for me. In yoga, I learned how important it is to conserve the sexual fluids and transmute them. However, the presently available transmutation methods fell short of my true needs of which my need for love and affection was a deep part of. Some were ridiculously inadequate, like punching a bag, or digressing attention away from desires with a sport or other activity. Because of agoraphobia, I could not simply go out and run away from overwhelming sexual and emotional cravings! I could not understand why life had to bombard me with so many impossible to satisfy cravings! How cruel! How often I prayed to God to be free of those most unfortunate yearnings! I longed so much to be free of everything and live in harmony!!!
However, I discovered that certain foods, especially certain "rejuvenating" or "aphrodisiac" herbs, vitamins, antioxidants, nuts, seed, butter, and raw vegetable juice, drinking loads of water between meals, meditating, exercising, and sleeping outside often helped. When it did work, it taught me just how important and healing certain foods are to my mental and emotional health. I found my self-confidence returning, and felt more interested in life. Colors, tastes and smells became more vivid, anxiety and depression melted away.
You can go here to view related autobiographical information: What I Went Through and How I Found Relief. This article describes much more regarding the anxiety, depression, and constant fatigue I suffered from for many, many years.
From then on, I realized wholeness had to involve foods that seemed to "expand" the sexual energy so it was no longer trapped at the base of the spine but could rise up and transform into more noble expressions of bliss, vitality and especialy a strong love and devotion to God. With renewed hope, I searched diligently for original and EFFECTIVE ways to transmute it in a scientifically reliable manner. Because the subject of transmutation fascinated me, I studied some good books on Tantra yoga and related topics. I loved the idea that instead of denying one's gift of sexuality, one finds a way to conserve it, nurture it and let it express fully and naturally through transmutation with the goal being complete inner fulfillment. Eventually, I developed and found great happiness in a dynamic, very unique system, of such great personal value, I thought I might share it with others, hence, this book, which I can use for my own reference as well.
Another idea came to me too--just how BEAUTIFUL marriage would be if couples would master Tantra and transmute their desires into ecstatic, loving soul communion! And I envisioned a whole new and love-oriented world where no one is alone nor alienated anymore, and man and woman can join together as soul mates in the most completely fulfilling way possible. Instead of losing one's sexual fluids and possibly conceiving children every time they come together (a major population crisis concern), they would bring birth to their own full potential of deep, lasting and intense love and eventually the full realization of Divine Love. I must emphasize that the incredible energy and time sacrificed to create and raise children would much better serve the couple and humanity if redirected into blissful soul communion, and establishing a profound connection with the immortal spirit of wholeness in each other.
The endless cycles of birth, suffering, death, and rebirth is the wheel of human bondage. I urge all to go beyond the mind, ego, and desires to escape from this wheel and find infinite, immortal joy within! Rather than bring children into an uncertain, overpopulated world, with the liberating knowledge contained in these lessons, I encourage all to bring birth to one's own immortal Self! If people throughout the world lived much longer, healthier lives, history would not tend to repeat itself as much, and the higher numbers of older, healthier and wiser people serving their communities would do wonders for society. Life is hard to learn and master. To grow old and die as soon as one finally masters it, makes no sense!
I am only a messenger passing these ideas on to you, hoping that they will enhance your spiritual evolution in ways no other system has ever done before. I am not trying to be a teacher and especially not trying to be a guru, I only hope to inspire you with what I consider new dynamic solutions and values to old, persistent and frustrating problems and yearnings, and I certainly don't want any of my information to clash, dilute or take away from any present practices of yoga or religion that you may presently hold dear to your heart. I have written this manual only because of my strong concern for the spiritual evolution of man and womankind. I have no authority to say that this way or that way is the path to God and is an avenue to realization; that is for you to decide and choose for yourself. Its overall purpose is to help bring about a greater sensitivity to and appreciation of the subtler and higher values, expressions and possibilities of life. For example: a deeper love and respect for animals, plants and trees and to live from a more global, ecological and holistic perspective. To be more aware of what we do to our environment and to become more caring, conscious and committed to its preservation and quality of life to the point where, through ingenus ingenuity, confusion, poverty, ugly signs, liquor stores, noisey intersections, endless traffic jams, slums and gas stations are replaced by beautiful Masters and Avatars thriving in tranquil, lush, flowering, organic gardens, libraries, and temples of inner knowledge, worship and meditation overflowing with the sweet vibrations of the Holy Spirit.
I want to see more love and appreciation of each other, each other's religions, race, nationality, etc. along with the complete elimination of overpopulation, deforestation, pollution, crime, fear, loneliness, drug abuse, divorce, poverty, hunger, war, racism, disease, poor education and ignorance of Spirit. Enlightened wisdom must conquer the old ways of brutal ignorance.
Life must find its real identity as the blissful, joyful expressions of universal knowledge and Divine Love. Human life will someday be in tune with a higher plan or principle of living ever more and more transcendent to the limitations of material existence.
WHAT WE WILL COVER IN PART I:
Parts I and II will contain what I believe to be all the knowledge needed to achieve a much more fulfilling, longer and joyful life, progressing more and more toward religious ecstasy, higher consciousness, and attunement with the innermost core of one's being: the eternal Self within. The first part will discuss mainly the importance of containing and transmuting desires into more expansive energy. Transmutation can be achieved through special herbs, healthy diet, water, exercise, yoga postures, deep relaxation, vibration, concentration, and a certain form of breathing exercises. I list certain herbs and antioxidants I take to enhance energy, health and longevity. To maintain a blissful state and maximum metabolic efficiency, it is important to drink large quantities of water throughout the day. Night air and negative ions invigorate the mind and body. I also write about the exact techniques required to conserve and maintain sexual energy and vitality, how beautiful and fulfilling love relationships can be, and how to ascend into the higher chakras.
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INTRODUCTION TO PART I
What acid of sorrow have I not drunk?
Countless my rounds of birth and death.
Lo! Naught but nectar in my cup
Quaffed by the art of breath.
Not being able to take life at face value and live happily at its surface, I felt compelled to dive deep within its center and contact the True Self within. Physical life is too short, and too unsettling and desperately needs a much higher and permanent spiritual reality for it to make any sense. Most of my life I felt disconnected from God (wholeness, faith and inner strength). I could not tolerate feeling separated from God (divine love) at all; being a human being seemed so tiresome and frightening. I would feel constantly lost, puzzled and anxious. Being a hard-to-convince sceptic, I was also often not sure about higher spiritual realities and the hereafter. I suffered greatly for many years in what I would call the "Dark Night of the Soul" which I wrote about in the section following this introduction:
PERSONAL SUFFERINGS AND TRIALS ON THE ROAD TO WHOLENESS.
"What acid of sorrow have I not drunk?" I discovered the above poem in a very interesting footnote on page 225 in the book, AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI by Paramahansa Yogananda. It was one of many quatrains writen by the "sky clad" 14th century Lalla Yogeswari who, through breath control and perfect celibacy, lived in a very high state of enlightenment. She did not die, but finally dematerialized herself in fire and rematerialized herself to her grieving friends fully dressed in a golden robe!
My entire life centered around a strong thirst for God, for the extraordinary, the miraculous, and for life after death. The things I encountered in my research were strange and interesting. I have read books on near-death experiences and found some of the publications very factual, reliable and scientific. Along with all the other things I've read and studied, including some awesome experiences I've had personally, I later became convinced there is life after death and that the teachings and resurrection of Christ must have at least some reality to them or they would not have been recorded. Christ-like resurrections happened to some great yogis too (documented in AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI); some came back in a resurrected flesh and blood form, usually with a vital message. There is an entire chapter in AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI, (page 475) where Yogananda's guru came back and spoke in great detail on all the stages, states of consciousness and worlds of the afterlife. I once watched and recorded a convincing documentry ("20/20" June 10th, 1994) on a specific case of an English woman who was able to track down her children (now quite old) from a past life in Ireland--"Countless my rounds of birth and death."
The "nectar... quaffed by the art of breath" is a profound and natural joy within ourselves that can be accessed through a system of yoga including "prannayams" or breathing exercises ("art of breath.") The fate of humankind and the earth may depend on the availability of yoga. Yoga or some kind of return to nature, wholeness and universal love is really the only hope for the future. Yoga makes peace of mind and lasting happiness more available. The reason there are so many health, social and economic problems is that the entire world is not trained in the science of wholeness--the most vital science of all sciences! This method includes special diets, drinking pure water, antioxidants, vibration, meditation, special prannayams and the mastery of Tantra.
Humankind and all its suffering seems to have one basic cause: ignorance of the soul's true nature in our selves and each other; and on this basis: the way which men and women interrelate.
Overpopulation, which threatens to degrade the earth's resources and our quality of life, is also caused by how men relate to women and by how women respond to men. The way sex is performed is creating a frightening world-wide population explosion which infectious diseases, before the invention of vaccination, used to keep in check. Because the balance of nature has been overthrown, there is a deep need for some alternative, natural method of birth control that can be accepted and lovingly embraced by all the main religions of the world, especially Catholicism! Population is such a vital issue; I believe that at this point in history, overpopulation is at the root of most social problems.
By no means is population the only issue! I have barely scratched the surface--it is the quality of life, which also boils down to the way the opposite sexes relate to each other and how they raise their children. When society is threatened by the disintegration of the family, gangs and gang warfare, sexually transmitted diseases, drug abuse, alcoholism, lack of moral values, etc. much of the turmoil and suffering can be traced to the dissatisfaction and disillusionment in relationships and abandoning the essential foundation of society--the family.
If it were possible for the average person to find wholeness and higher consciousness in his or her mate (as in a spiritual marriage), such a possibility could drastically improve the quality of life and enable deep satisfaction and all one's good dreams and ideals of lasting romance to come true. The ideals of spiritual marriage combined with wholeness could keep the family a strong, permanent and reliable building block of a healthy, happy and meaningful community. Why is this possibility not happening? Where is it going wrong? The failure of higher values to manifest is due to a lack of knowledge and understanding of the great benefits of spiritual life and the practical methods needed to obtain wholeness, while being overwhelmed and dazed by the demands and limitations of the materialistic world. The world's most valuable resources are wasted in the attempts to find satisfaction through the senses and from the resulting greed, selfishness and materialism.
A much more efficient and direct way to superior soul-satisfaction is available. Through mastery of an immense driving force in all of us, through its transmutation into higher levels of awareness with a special form of breathing exercise and nutritional support, it becomes possible to establish the connection with the spiritual and find profound and prolonged bliss and joy. Sensual awareness can and should be transformed into the infinite fulfillment of soul-communion using the tools I have described fully in the following lessons of this book.
The seminal fluids in man and the sexual energy in woman, when conserved with the help of whole body vibration, massage, relaxation, nutritional factors, water fasting, excercise, breathing exercises, deep love and devotion to God and God in each other, and deep meditation can bring birth or creation to a new and gloriosly satisfying way to relate to one another. One's hearts can be opened and deep, profound love take off into unexplored heights of ecstasy. Eventually, in this way, any woman would be able to find wholeness or higher consciousness by transmuting her relationship to her man, and any man would be able to find wholeness or higher consciousness by transmuting his relationship to his woman--which is what I believe to be the next step in humankind's evolution toward perfection. Relationships would have a whole new purpose--not to satisfy material needs--but to aid each other in finding true inner satisfaction through the high art of liberating sensuality into profound love, ecstasy and soul-communion.
As long as the sexual energy remains stuck in the base of the spine, men will always see women as a means to a short but intense release of physical desire and to women men would only be a means to security and children, the attitude of which would lead to the continuation of the ills, loneliness, and other hardships of humankind. However, I see a different purpose, a much higher plan; a means to finding a lasting inner joy and longevity; a wondrous and wonderful opportunity to find deep spiritual satisfaction by transforming all one's sensual needs and yearnings. The sexual fluids, when conserved and transmuted into lasting love, creativity and inspiration, can become part of the answer in humankind's long quest for immortality and eternal joy--that HOLY GRAIL of immortal wholeness.
USING THIS BOOK
It is hoped that the individuals who read and try to follow the information in this manuscript are familiar with yoga and meditation. If not, I encourage the reader to take classes in yoga and/or read some good books on the subject. With familiarity of yoga, the reader can then be better able to fully appreciate and benefit from this book. If one already is familiar with the hatha-yoga postures and practices them regularly, such an individual is much more likely to fully benefit from the Lama Yoga breathing exercises. An inflexible spine seems to block the full expression of the Kundalini.
Another thing I want the reader to be aware of is that at the end of Part II there is a glossary with words like "Lama Yoga" and "Kundalini" in it. It is important to understand precisely what I am talking about when using certain words. I would encourage one to read through the glossary and become familiar with the context in which I am using those terms. I would like to make an unusual request: that the reader considers the glossary as part of the course because of all the vital and unusual information it contains. At the end of the glossary, there is a very useful "Bible Reference List" containing a long alphabetical list of quotations and subjects and where to find them in the Bible. I have refered to the Bible several times in my text.
A SHORT AUTOBIOGRAPHY
On the following pages is a brief account of the very long and terrible "Dark Night of the Soul" I had to endure to get to where I am now. The following spiritual history of my life has been included to help the reader understand where I'm coming from, who I am, and why and how I became so interested in trying to develop a new, simple and powerful system of joyful living or SCIENCE OF WHOLENESS.
PERSONAL SUFFERINGS AND TRIALS ON ROAD TO WHOLENESS
I endured many difficulties, sorrows and disappointments on a long, arduous search for inner strength, high spiritual realities and love. In my early adulthood I knew there had to be more to life than just working, eating and sleeping! The way I saw it, existence seemed nothing more than a seemingly endless hassle ending up nowhere except in a small box! I desperately needed another way of being besides the "life's a bitch and then you die" philosophy!!!! My search for God (inner spiritual strength and healing love) started when I was 12 and continued throughout my entire life on a torturous, rocky journey through many laborinths of painful trials and errors and extensive experimentation with various diets, religions and philosophies.
A profound emptiness and loneliness grew inside as I struggled desperately to find love and some sort of comfort and peace of mind. Having a sensitive nature, the world, to me, seemed a hazardous and desolate place, filled with much disturbing noise and senseless activity. I felt comfortable only in green places of peace, quiet and sanctuary. I was an ultra-sensitive, introspective, timid, shy and very polite kid with a terrible inferiority complex.
Throughout grade school to high school, because I behaved so differently, I underwent continuous hazing and humiliation from others. From 12 to 34, I suffered greatly from acne and boils, leaving me chronically lonely, physically and psychologically scarred. I always felt awkward, alienated, out of synch with the world, spacy, dull and felt no serenity nor any self-confidence. The only thing that seemed acute was my experience of pain, emotional suffering and isolation! I spent many years in profound self-doubt and just wanting to hide from the world, which seemed to offer nothing but pain, stress, rejection and humiliation.
By my early 20's I was crippled with fear, loneliness, anxiety, depression, acne and fatigue that became overwhelming. Other problems such as poor digestion, poor posture, inability to build muscle and gain weight, hair loss, a hernia, pale flaking skin, myopia, absurd thoughts, absent-mindedness and attacks of vertigo when added to everything else made me feel like a walking disaster area.
No matter how much food I forced down, I could not gain any weight to my awkward and wobbly 129-pound six-foot frame! The gas and bloating from constant, severe indigestion made it impossible to socialize with others. I rarely had any fun, I only had enough energy to do the bare essentials which often required the same effort as clibing Mt. Everest. The rest of the time was spent sleeping off chronic fatique or trying to get rid of anxiety.
Then, in 1982, as if all the above weren't enough to drive one over the edge, I started having absolutely horrific panic attacks which led to yet another serious problem from which I never fully recovered: agoraphobia. I no longer could go on vacations, nor could drive much further than local places within the city before feeling a horrible sensation of losing control. My memory, sense of balance, up, down and other directions would all seem to fall apart!
Throughout my early twenties to early thirties, I suffered unbearable chronic loneliness, depression and truly terrifying, unending anxiety attacks that created a sense of infinite dread and horror that I could not escape from. When I tried to sleep at night, it felt like the earth was shrinking into the vast nothingness of infinite space and that the whole universe was tearing my soul apart. Everything spun in all directions. The earth felt like it was tipping over on its side and to my utter terror, even upsidedown! Only my intense fear of dying and my sensitive, non-violent nature forced me to stay alive as best I could without ever finding the courage for suicide. I must thought of a hundred different ways to end my meaningless existence. Oh, how close I was to doing this!
Everything took a great deal of courage--even trying to get help. I went through counselors, psychologists, doctors, psychiatrists, etc. without ever finding any practical answers, medications or therapies, only very effective ways to spend large quantities of money and waste lots of time! My problem was just too great for any one thing to help nor could it be tracked down to any particluar cause or reason. It seemed my existence itself was the "reason". There where just too many different "little" problems all at once that could not be fixed with any one thing. What few friends I had tried to help me, only to abandon me as soon as they find out just how hopeless my problems really were. My attitude was often bitter and that was no help either.
Throughout the bitter struggle, only one thing kept me going: the hope of finding God--a very personal, loving, caring and nurturing God. I also always craved deeply and longingly a beautiful, caring girlfriend or soul mate and envied those who had one. I felt strong, monogamous ideals of spiritual marriage (two souls merge as one). I thought of many idealistic romantic possibilities but felt frustrated and limited in my ability and lack of opportunity to express them. I developed an artistic ability and tried to express my longings and ideals through my artwork.
Out of dire need to find solutions to my suffering, I studied everything I could on health, diets, medicine, positive thinking, metaphysics, psychology, religion, yoga, and mysticism. The only thing that seemed to work or made a difference was vitamins, health foods and diets. Some made me feel worse, but eventually I found some foods that really helped me. By my mid-thirties and after many years of intense nutritional study and self-experimentation, I had developed a high-protein diet and exercise program that helped me gain 25 pounds and could treat anxiety and depression. Finally, I developed a whole system of yoga diet, transmutation, meditation and breathing exercises that proved to be a priceless key to wholeness--a key that unlocks a door to a whole new dimension of wonderful possibilities.
I studied yoga for many years only because it seemed to hold a lot of promise. At times, the only comfort I ever had was the AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI by Paramahansa Yogananda. This book, so sincerely written and full of amazing miracles, had proof of God, life-after-death, and karma written all over it, which gave my sensitive mind great hope and comfort; that those who never found what they were searching for in one lifetime could at least live again to find it in another.
However, in my life-long search for God, I collided painfully with many road-blocks. In perfecting the requirements of yoga, I became more and more frustrated! The yoga postures seemed a lot of work to get a little benefit. The worst part of the spiritual path was trying to avoid sensuality. All I could think of was women! And being constantly rejected by every woman I persued, only made matters far worse! I was forced into inventing a way to satisfy my deepest, most personal unfulfilled cravings. Yoga had to somehow involve the sexual energy or it could not possibly be fulfilling enough for me. In yoga, I learned how important it is to conserve the sexual fluids and transmute them. However, the presently available transmutation methods fell short of my true needs of which my need for love and affection was a deep part of. Some were ridiculously inadequate, like punching a bag, or digressing attention away from desires with a sport or other activity. Because of agoraphobia, I could not simply go out and run away from overwhelming sexual and emotional cravings! I could not understand why life had to bombard me with so many impossible to satisfy cravings! How cruel! How often I prayed to God to be free of those most unfortunate yearnings! I longed so much to be free of everything and live in harmony!!!
However, I discovered that certain foods, especially certain "rejuvenating" or "aphrodisiac" herbs, vitamins, antioxidants, nuts, seed, butter, and raw vegetable juice, drinking loads of water between meals, meditating, exercising, and sleeping outside often helped. When it did work, it taught me just how important and healing certain foods are to my mental and emotional health. I found my self-confidence returning, and felt more interested in life. Colors, tastes and smells became more vivid, anxiety and depression melted away.
You can go here to view related autobiographical information: What I Went Through and How I Found Relief. This article describes much more regarding the anxiety, depression, and constant fatigue I suffered from for many, many years.
From then on, I realized wholeness had to involve foods that seemed to "expand" the sexual energy so it was no longer trapped at the base of the spine but could rise up and transform into more noble expressions of bliss, vitality and especialy a strong love and devotion to God. With renewed hope, I searched diligently for original and EFFECTIVE ways to transmute it in a scientifically reliable manner. Because the subject of transmutation fascinated me, I studied some good books on Tantra yoga and related topics. I loved the idea that instead of denying one's gift of sexuality, one finds a way to conserve it, nurture it and let it express fully and naturally through transmutation with the goal being complete inner fulfillment. Eventually, I developed and found great happiness in a dynamic, very unique system, of such great personal value, I thought I might share it with others, hence, this book, which I can use for my own reference as well.
Another idea came to me too--just how BEAUTIFUL marriage would be if couples would master Tantra and transmute their desires into ecstatic, loving soul communion! And I envisioned a whole new and love-oriented world where no one is alone nor alienated anymore, and man and woman can join together as soul mates in the most completely fulfilling way possible. Instead of losing one's sexual fluids and possibly conceiving children every time they come together (a major population crisis concern), they would bring birth to their own full potential of deep, lasting and intense love and eventually the full realization of Divine Love. I must emphasize that the incredible energy and time sacrificed to create and raise children would much better serve the couple and humanity if redirected into blissful soul communion, and establishing a profound connection with the immortal spirit of wholeness in each other.
The endless cycles of birth, suffering, death, and rebirth is the wheel of human bondage. I urge all to go beyond the mind, ego, and desires to escape from this wheel and find infinite, immortal joy within! Rather than bring children into an uncertain, overpopulated world, with the liberating knowledge contained in these lessons, I encourage all to bring birth to one's own immortal Self! If people throughout the world lived much longer, healthier lives, history would not tend to repeat itself as much, and the higher numbers of older, healthier and wiser people serving their communities would do wonders for society. Life is hard to learn and master. To grow old and die as soon as one finally masters it, makes no sense!
I am only a messenger passing these ideas on to you, hoping that they will enhance your spiritual evolution in ways no other system has ever done before. I am not trying to be a teacher and especially not trying to be a guru, I only hope to inspire you with what I consider new dynamic solutions and values to old, persistent and frustrating problems and yearnings, and I certainly don't want any of my information to clash, dilute or take away from any present practices of yoga or religion that you may presently hold dear to your heart. I have written this manual only because of my strong concern for the spiritual evolution of man and womankind. I have no authority to say that this way or that way is the path to God and is an avenue to realization; that is for you to decide and choose for yourself. Its overall purpose is to help bring about a greater sensitivity to and appreciation of the subtler and higher values, expressions and possibilities of life. For example: a deeper love and respect for animals, plants and trees and to live from a more global, ecological and holistic perspective. To be more aware of what we do to our environment and to become more caring, conscious and committed to its preservation and quality of life to the point where, through ingenus ingenuity, confusion, poverty, ugly signs, liquor stores, noisey intersections, endless traffic jams, slums and gas stations are replaced by beautiful Masters and Avatars thriving in tranquil, lush, flowering, organic gardens, libraries, and temples of inner knowledge, worship and meditation overflowing with the sweet vibrations of the Holy Spirit.
I want to see more love and appreciation of each other, each other's religions, race, nationality, etc. along with the complete elimination of overpopulation, deforestation, pollution, crime, fear, loneliness, drug abuse, divorce, poverty, hunger, war, racism, disease, poor education and ignorance of Spirit. Enlightened wisdom must conquer the old ways of brutal ignorance.
Life must find its real identity as the blissful, joyful expressions of universal knowledge and Divine Love. Human life will someday be in tune with a higher plan or principle of living ever more and more transcendent to the limitations of material existence.
WHAT WE WILL COVER IN PART I:
Parts I and II will contain what I believe to be all the knowledge needed to achieve a much more fulfilling, longer and joyful life, progressing more and more toward religious ecstasy, higher consciousness, and attunement with the innermost core of one's being: the eternal Self within. The first part will discuss mainly the importance of containing and transmuting desires into more expansive energy. Transmutation can be achieved through special herbs, healthy diet, water, exercise, yoga postures, deep relaxation, vibration, concentration, and a certain form of breathing exercises. I list certain herbs and antioxidants I take to enhance energy, health and longevity. To maintain a blissful state and maximum metabolic efficiency, it is important to drink large quantities of water throughout the day. Night air and negative ions invigorate the mind and body. I also write about the exact techniques required to conserve and maintain sexual energy and vitality, how beautiful and fulfilling love relationships can be, and how to ascend into the higher chakras.
Autobiography of a Yogi
by Paramhansa Yogananda
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